Private Thoughts Made Public

My relationship with C didn’t work out. Ah well, not the end of the world. We were both mature enough to realise that it wasn’t working, and parted on good terms (I think). We found each other online, and although we clicked on the mental side of things, and agreed on a lot of topics, she basically misled me from the start about her age and her weight. She had no intention when she started of taking a bit of online chat into a full-blown, real-time relationship, and the fact that we lived so close to each other made it difficult not to take the relationship real-time.
The more we chatted (online and on the phone), the more she realised that a meeting wasn’t too far away. And she felt more and more guilty about lying to me about her age and her weight. So she sent me an email telling me the truth and saying that it might be best if we called it a day. I wasn’t really prepared to accept that at the time, I insisted that we at least met up and put faces to names, and take it from there. Weight is something that can always be worked on, and although there was nothing we could do about the age gap, you never know until you try, do you?
So we went for a drink, and maybe with high hopes we decided to give it a go. However over the next couple of weeks it became apparent that I wasn’t putting as much effort into the relationship as I had done to start with, and the reason for this was that, well, to be honest, I just didn’t fancy her, physically. She was (and in fact still is) 12 years older than me, and subconsciously this fact kept gnawing away at me.
I’m learning more about myself with each relationship that passes. I know more about what I want, and who I want to share it with. I know more about how difficult the type of relationship I want is, and how much time and effort I need to put into it. Maybe it’s time for me to take a step back from finding a partner and concentrate on some of the other goals I outlined in my first couple of posts. More about this soon I think.
C, I wish you all the best, I hope I didn’t hurt your feelings too much, and wish you all the best for the future.