Archive for category family
Enjoying my week off
Posted by dan in diet and exercise, family on May 24th, 2005
I’d forgotten how good it is to have a few days off work! I’m getting the house organised, getting some exercise and also getting on with the ex (for a change!). Plus, the office only called me once yesterday, and that was only to ask me what the password for something was.
Fistly an update on the exercise. I went out on the bike again yesterday and followed the same route I cycled and walked last week. Except this time I wrapped my GPS around the handlebars and used it to measure the distance. Unfortunately it wasn’t the ten miles I hoped it was, although it certainly seemed like it. It was in fact 7.8 miles, which is still not to be sniffed at. The course was a lot muddier than it had been recently, and cycling into a headwind for most of the trip certainly made it hard-going. I’ll do it again later today. I was looking at my ordnanace survey map of the local area the other day and noticed another walk called the Rochdale Way, which I’ll investigate later in the week.
Now for some news on me and the ex. She phoned me yesterday and asked if I’d come and pick them up from school (she doesn’t drive and was working at the school as a volunteer). We went back to her parents house and I played football in the garden with him and watched him do a brand new jigsaw puzzle straight off while she cooked his dinner. I also listened to him do some reading. Which was fantastic from my point of view, some normal fatherhood-type stuff for a change. She called me again last night and asked if I’d pick them up from school today as well.
We went out together the weekend before last and he was good as gold for the most part, but he threw a tantrum in the market when we wouldn’t buy him a toy. I think my ex handled it wrong, because she was offering him cheap toys and he wanted a more expensive one. Offering him a toy of any description goes against what she was telling me the other week about him having enough toys and that clothes were what he needed. She should have warned him in advance that we were going to be near a toy shop and he could have something small if he was good, but he could only have what we were prepared to offer him. Anyway, he had a tantrum and couldn’t be calmed down. We had to manhandle him back to the car. All the tv programmes say that when a child has a tantrum you should ignore him until he calms down. But how can you ignore a child that is hitting and biting you?
He eventually calmed down a bit but was very gringy all the way home. Everyone got angry with everyone else, everyone said things they later regretted, and at one point I raised my voice to her while he was in the car with us. I regretted it and apologised for it, but it shocked my son into stopping his gringing. I kissed and made up with him when we got back to her parents house. While in the car my ex was increasing his punishment for his whining and at one point I said “don’t keep punishing him more and more for the same thing. Have a fixed punishment and stick to it” to which she replied “Keep out of this. What do you know about parenting?” And boy, that hurt. It hit me right between the eyes, because she’s right. He was 18 months old when we split, and he’s now 5 and a half. And what I know about parenting is what I see on television. I didn’t argue the point at the time because it would have done no good at all, but I will be bringing it up with her next time we sit down for a civil chat about parenting.
She came up with a plan that if he’s good for a week he’ll earn a pound, and when he’s got enough for the toy that he wants, then he can buy it himself. However if he’s naughty once during the week he loses the whole pound. I think the idea needs refining a little, so he can earn 25p per day that he is good, and nothing on the days that he is naughty. That way at least he is rewarded for the days when he is well-behaved.
That’s it for now, what’s in the past is in the past and I’m just glad things are going ok at the moment. Taking it one day at a time, and looking forward to seeing him again this afternoon.
Weather ups and downs
Today’s been the best day of the long weekend for me. Went to the park with my son, neice and mother. Fortunately we went in the morning when the sun was shining – this afternoon the heavens opened and the rain was bouncing off the pavement. And now, the sun is shining again. You just never can tell whether you need a coat or an umbrella over here.
Once again, my son was very well behaved, and it’s an absolute pleasure to spend time with him. His reading skills are coming on in leaps and bounds, too.
I dusted off the camcorder today for the first time since last winter. This was partly prompted by the prospect of a day in the park with the kids in the sunshine, and also prompted by the fact that a new version of EditStudio has been released. So I want to have some footage to play around with. I may even compile a quick 30-second summary of the day and post it here – watch this space.
But tonight I’m going to be glued to the television screen watching the final of the World Snooker Championships. This year the final is between Matthew Stevens, the world no 6, and Shaun Murphy, the world no 42. Nurphy’s had to qualify to get into this year’s championships, and he’s currently 12-11 behind. First to 18 takes the trophy.
We’re facing the prospect for the first time since 1979 of the new World Champion not being one of the top 16 players. I don’t know how well snooker is received elsewhere in the world, but here it’s a pretty big sport. The winner gets a quarter of a mil, not bad for 17 days work! First to 18 wins! It’s a close match so far and hopefully both players will keep their cool into this evening’s session. I’d hate for one of the guys to lose it completely and get hammered right at the end.
Come on Murphy!
Can’t do right for doing wrong
I had such high hopes for today. I was going to check out a couple of local gyms, help my cousin do some work around the house, maybe go out on the bike, you know, just the usual first-day-of-a-three-day-weekend chill-out stuff.
Well, that feeling of contentment lasted about two minutes. No sooner had I gotten out of bed (admittedly late in the morning, this was Saturday after all) than the phone rang. It was my ex, telling me where she was going to be at different times of the day so I could drop off the child support money at the right house. Then she hit me with this little bombshell. She doesn’t want me buying my son presents every time I see him. Apart from the fact this isn’t quite true, what’s wrong with a father wanting to buy his son a toy?
Apparently it undermines her authority. I saw him on Wednesday and called in to the supermarket on the way home from work and bought him a little Lego car. It cost the same as one and a half McDonalds Happy Meals. She wasn’t impressed. He’d been naughty ealier in the day with her mother, although he was good as gold with my mother in the afternoon and good as gold with me in the evening. But no-one told me he’d been naughty earlier. I have a message for my ex-wife here. I’m not psychic. If there’s something I should know about his behaviour, please tell me about it. If there’s something he needs more than a toy car, please tell me about it. I may only see him once or twice a month these days (her idea) so I’m not exactly “in the loop” any more. But I repeat: unless I’m told what’s going on, how am I supposed to be any the wiser?
I was furious and very upset when I finished my first phone conversation with her this morning. She’s not happy that I’m trying to reduce the amount of child support I’m paying because she wants too much from me (I’m already paying more than I have to by law, which I believe I’ve talked about in another post). Her argument is that if I can’t afford the child support then I can’t afford to buy him toys. We’re talking about three lousy fucking pounds here. Once every fucking two months. Every time I see him he says “Have you got a present for me daddy?” and every time I say “no”. Well, this time, I thought I’d say “yes” for a change. Just to show him that I do actually love him. And still it’s wrong.
I give up. She’d rather I buy him a t-shirt or some pyjamas or something. What the hell is so wrong for a father to buy his son a toy once in a while? Can someone please explain this to me, because I can’t figure it out at all.
Plan of action for the next week:
1. Apply to the Child Support Agency for a review of my payments. We’ve avoided getting them involved so far but, hey, I’ll get my payments reduced and I’ll probably end up spending the extra tenner on him anyway.
2. Call my ex every evening to find out what his behaviour has been like that day. After all, she phones me every time he’s with me to find out if I’ve been feeding him nails or something.
3. Talk to her about our different parenting styles. She’s very quick to punish, and punish rather hard I think (a television ban for a whole week for a five-year-old?) whereas I’m more prone to raise my voice once and then talk to him afterwards about his behaviour. Apparently he has two personalities – he’s reasonably good when he’s with me or my parents, and an absolute terror when he’s with my ex or her parents. Maybe there’s more to this than meets the eye.
Still, the three double-whiskies and the blast of very loud Metallica at 5pm helped calm me down. A bit. Because before then, I swear to god she was sapping my will to live.
A lovely day for a walk up a hill
Posted by dan in diet and exercise, family on April 24th, 2005
We finally did it. My sister-in-law and I had tried walking up Pendle Hill before, on a very wet day last year, but we only made it round the foothills. Today, we had a determined effort to get to the top. Here’s a potted photo-diary of the day. Click on each image for a larger one if you’re so inclined.
An example of picture-postcard Britain.
If you look at the large version of this image you’ll see a diagonal “scar” running up the side of the hill. This is the path to the top!
My sister-in-law and nephew at the base of the path. As you can see it’s mainly a staircase of stone steps. Didn’t make it any easier though! We ended up walking for 20 yards, stopping to get our breath back, walking another 20 or 30 yards, stopping again……. and while we were resting by the side of the path we were being overtaken by people with dogs, people with kids, people wearing work shoes, people not breaking sweat – it made us sick, sick I tell you!
Finally at the top! A well-earned lie down and a spot of lunch (not pictured). However when we stood up we nearly got blown over by the force of the wind up there!
The view from the top, looking down. It’s a pity the view was a bit hazy, but whether I’m going to go back up there on a good day remains to be seen! While we were having our lunch we were passed by three men out jogging (to the top of that thing! Are they crazy?) and by a man carrying a three-foot long remote controlled model glider aircraft. It was all we could do to haul a few sandwiches and bottles of water up there!
Self portrait of a man sheltering from the wind.
We could have been on the surface of a different planet.
Portrait of the author in the middle of nowhere. This picture was taken before we got lost, as you can see, we’re still following the path by the stream. A bit further on, we started asking people “Is this the way back to the village?” and were getting answers like “No, this is the way to the town. The village is way over yonder” and watching them point over our shoulders back the way we had come.
So a three-hour six-mile walk turned into a six-hour nine-mile walk. I must admit I was getting frustrated near the end, especially when I thought we were completely lost, but we made it back in the end. They’ve got some very steep roads up there in Lancashire. It’s bad enough having to drive up them, let alone walk or (gasp) cycle.
I’m not doing that again in a hurry, although I guess I did manage to walk off last night’s dinner. I think I’ll stick to the flat from now on, though. Until the next time.
Cheeky!
Telephone conversation with my sister-in-law this morning:
s-i-l: What are you up to?
me: Tidying the house
s-i-l: Have you got a mirror there?
me: Yes, why?
s-i-l: Go stand in front of it, stick out your tongue, and see if it’s covered with green spots. You might need medical attention.
I know I’m not the tidiest person in the world, but at least I’m not likely to be visited by the Health and Safety Executive any time soon! Well, I hope not, anyway.
Also while we’re on the subject of being cheeky, Old Horsetail Snake requested that I always post my weight in lbs, so that he’s got a vague clue of what I’m talking about. That sounds like too much hard work for me, so intead I’ll refer my esteemed and learned fellow blogger to this link right here.
Financial advice
Last night my son advised me to “get rich” because then I’d be able to spend half my money buying new things to replace the old things which I’ve broken (!) and the other half buying him toys. I told him I was working on it.
A good day, until……
So the day’s going well. Sleep all morning, help my cousin make a kitchen cabinet from timber that was in my old bedroom in my parents house. Go for a bike ride in the late afternoon. Safari, sogoody. Then my ex-wife calls and ruins everything. I’ve had to cut the child maintenance back because I can’t afford to give her what I’ve been giving her. I’m still giving what I legally have to give (i.e. if she gets the Child Support Agency on to me she’s not going to get any extra) and she accuses me of having my priorities all wrong and not putting my son first. We both end up shouting at each other. I slam the phone down on her once and she slams the phone down on me once. Sometimes I feel like I can’t win. When I tell her I can’t afford to make any extra payments she proposes that I remortgage the house, or take out a loan. Yeah right. And how am I supposed to keep up the repayments, might I ask?
To be perfectly honest, this argument over money has made me feel suicidal in the past. Not very suicial, just a little bit. Just enough to start wondering what size hose will fit over the car’s exhaust pipe, but not enough to find myself in a hardware shop looking at bits of hose. It’s taken me the best part of the evening to even get into something remotely resembling an ok mood, just in time for bed. Bugger.
Happy Anniversary!
Today my parents celebrated 40 years of marriage – most of it, as far as I am aware, wonderful years. I wish them many more years of happiness together. They’ve had a busy weekend, inviting friends and family over in small groups so they could spend enough time with people to make it worthwhile. There’s nothing worse than being invited to a celebration and not having the chance to wish your host congratulations or whatever because they are too busy talking to everyone else all night. So they partied from Saturday lunchtime pretty much all the way to tonight – they’re off to Nice tomorrow for a few days well-earned break!
I went into a bit of a panic a couple of weeks ago when I suddenly thought “hang on, it’s my parents ruby wedding anniversary coming up in 11 days time. Maybe I should think about getting them a present.” I reminded my brother, and his (almost) immediate response was “Gah! I knew they had an anniversay coming up, I’d forgotten it was their 40th though!”
Cue many hours of frantic searching on the internet for the “perfect” gift, plus a few more hours spent traipsing round every jeweller i could find, both in town and in the Trafford Centre. Plus more traipsing with my brother in tow, to show him some potential gift ideas and ask his opinion. Eventually we decided on a couple of ruby anniversary rose bushes, a gift only slightly tainted by the fact that a friend of theirs had also bought them an identical rose bush and given it to them the previous day. We also bought them a couple of ruby red white wine glasses (if you follow) which were slightly tainted by the fact they hadn’t arrived on time (bloody internet shopping!)
I promise I’ll remember their golden anniversary in plenty of time.
(by the way, I was going to put links into this post so you could see what we bought them – but then you’d realise what cheapskates we both are heheheh.)
Car chat
Conversations held in the car with my son and ex-wife
ex: we’ve been learning lots of things this week, haven’t we?
son: yes
ex: remember when we boiled the egg and there was a crack in the shell? what was the crack called?
son: a hairline fracture
me: impressive!
ex: tell daddy what it’s called when a cell splits in two.
son: mitosis
me: wow! I have no way of knowing if that’s right or not, but I’ll believe you!
He never ever forgets anything, my son.
So we had a day out at Eureka in Halifax. And very impressive it was as well. We spent three and a half hours there, and it still seemed to me like we rushed around like mad things on a mad day being mad. It was “Come and look at this!” and “Hey! This is cool!” all day. We never seemed to spend more than twenty seconds at any one exhibit. On the way out we tried to get him something educational to play with, like a model skeleton or a magnetic sculpture thing, but all he wanted was a robot grabbing hand. Which he used in the car to grab anything and everything in sight. Aww.
What am I for?
Having watched the “Child of our time” programme on tv last night, which looked at the relationships between children and their fathers, I took the opportunity tonight to ask my son what he thought I was for. “Having fun and playing games on the computer” was his reply. I then asked him what mums were for.
“Making rules.”
So looks like we’re fairly typical, then!
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