This can't be right, surely?

I need new scales. The ones I've got are crap - the numbers they show aren't going down at all, in fact they're going up!

Putting aside the fact that I was pretty bloody miserable on Saturday and comforted myself with a huge kebab, and Monday I was treated to a chinese take-away for trying to sort out a problem on my cousin's laptop, and I spent most of the weekend watching the snooker on television instead of getting any exercise, I blame the scales completely. It's all their fault, nothing to do with me at all, no sir.