I wonder if Keef feels like this?

You think about some strange things in the car on the way home from work. This evening I was listening to the radio when the Rolling Stones came on, and I started thinking about the lives the men in that band must have led. Take Keith Richards for example. Here's a guy who's done exactly what he wanted to do for his entire life, he's done it all, tried it all, been everywhere and come out the other side. And he's still here, still rocking, and still the same man he's always been. On top of all that, he's brought pleasure and enjoyment to millions of people and helped create a multi-million pound industry (and I'm not talking about rock music here, I'm just talking about the Rolling Stones).

As I sit in my car, wearing my suit and going home to my little house after spending the day in a fairly typical office job, I can't help but be envious of those people I'd consider to have led a.... not so much privileged, or charmed, life... but a more fruitful life than mine has been so far. People who travel the world, people who bring joy and hope into other people's lives, people who make a difference to somebody. I sometimes get the impression I don't make much of a difference to anyone, really.

When I start writing my posts for this blog, I have no idea where they are going to go. Sometimes they come full circle and I actually make a point about something, and sometimes they just amble on in whatever direction they seem to take until I decide it's time to hit the "post" button. I sit at the PC with a vague idea in my head about what I'm going to write about, and it took me a bit by surprise when I wrote the sentence at the end of the previous paragraph. I don't think I really meant to say that - of course I make a difference to someone's life.

I guess the point of this post is that I really admire and look up to people who I think have achieved something significant in their lives. My idea of "significant" may differ from other people's, and I think that most of us don't really do anything significant - we grow up, get a job, get married, buy a house and have kids - and that's perfectly good enough for most people. But some people want to live outside the mould a little bit. They're the ones that become rock stars, explorers, artists, visionaries and so on. The rest of us become IT Administrators and office workers.

So far in my life I've fathered a wonderful little boy who brings joy into the hearts of everyone who meets him. He's cheeky, mischievous, clever, sneaky, happy, imaginative, domineering and sometimes a bit of a bully (if I'm honest). I was thinking at the weekend that the ideal career for him would be as a movie director. He's just the sort of person to take an idea from someone else and flesh it out, decide how it's all going to work and tell everyone what they need to do to make his vision become reality. I'd consider him to be my greatest achievement so far, heheh.

Let's see, what else have i done? In my career as "programmer-for-hire" I like to think that some of the things I've been able to get the computers at work to do has made someone else's job a bit easier. No-one ever phones me up to say "that last tweak you did has really made a difference to me, thank you!" (well, almost no-one, I have been thanked once or twice in the past fifteen years or so). The secret of working in IT is to make yourself invisible - if it's all working perfectly no-one notices the IT department. You only come to the fore when it all goes wrong, hehehe. IT also has a reputation for costing money rather than bringing it in. Colleagues who work in sales have been known to get big annual bonuses, but my job is just as valid as theirs (as indeed are the jobs of those who work in wages and accounts and every other department not directly connected with sales). But we don't get the bonuses, because we aren't seen as "making a difference" to the company.

Of course I have to think that what I do for a living makes a difference, otherwise there's no point in getting out of bed in the morning. Like most people I want to do something really, really, significant with my life, something I will be remembered for in years to come. But until I get a chance to make a difference I have to carry on working for a living, because after all I have bills to pay. Work is getting in the way of me being able to live my life!! Maybe I wouldn't mind so much if I thought I was appreciated a bit more.

Perhaps I should get someone to clap and cheer me as I leave the office at the end of the day. "Ladies and gentlemen, Daniel has left the building."