Relationships..... why do I bother?

I feel terrible. Not just because I only got two hours sleep last night. No, I feel terrible because of the reason I only got two hours sleep last night. Why oh why I have to open my big mouth and put my foot so firmly in it I will never know.

(Note that with all stories of this nature, it's a simplification. No names are even mentioned, let alone changed)

At the end of April I met a woman online and, to cut a very long story short, we decided that as we both seemed to be looking for the same things, we decided to give it a go. After all, you don't get anywhere in life by sitting on your backside, do you? Well, for reasons I won't go into here, the relationship didn't work out. I didn't (couldn't?) give her what she wanted, so she decided to end it. This left us with the awkward situation that she was at home an hour's drive away, and half her stuff was still in my house.

During the week after the split we still chatted online, remained civil towards each other, and we arranged for me to drive down the following weekend to bring it all back to her. Also during that time she mentioned that she had gone out for a drink on the Saturday following our split, and got chatting to a bloke in the pub. The weekend comes around, and I arrive at her house, after being stuck in traffic getting there, she greeted me, then said she was busy in her room. Her kids were in their own rooms, and I was left alone in the lounge. Well, not exactly alone, I was fighting off the dog, who suddenly remembered who I was and how good my teeth seemed to taste.

After a few minutes she called through to me that I could make myself a drink if I wanted. I offered to make her a drink as well. I took the drinks through to her room, and went back to the lounge. I read the paper. I read it again. She called me in to her room to ask me a question about some setup problem on the forum on her web site. I answered the question, and not wanting to go back into the lounge on my own, I sat on her bed. I could see she had two chat windows open, one was to someone from the boards, I didn't know who the other chat was with.

About an hour after I arrived, she asked her son to help me unload her stuff from the car. We did this, he went back to his room to play with the keyboard I'd given him, and I sat back down on her bed while she chatted and tried to get the boards sorted. She seemed very focused on what she was doing, she didn't even give her kids a lot of attention while I was there. Apart from asking for my help with the boards, she barely spoke a word to me all afternoon. At about 5:30 I'd had enough, so I made my excuses and left. The only reason I stayed so long was that I'd driven an hour and a half to get there, and I was buggered if I was going to get in the car and drive all the way back after just 10 minutes.

I felt pushed out, rejected, ignored and invisible. I know we'd just split, but she was the one that decided it wasn't working, she dumped me in effect. And there I was, still trying to be a nice guy, to be a friend. She barely acknowledged me while I was there, and I've no idea how she felt about anything, because she didn't tell me.

I later discovered the other chat was with the new bloke she'd met in the pub. They are getting on like a house on fire, apparently. He's giving her all the things I couldn't give her (and I'm not talking physical items here, I'm talking about treating her the way she wanted to be treated). She said something to me, probably a throwaway comment, that if he wanted her attention, then he got it. Well, I thought, he certainly had her attention on that Sunday afternoon, that's for sure. I mulled it over in my head and thought "If he can demand that sort of attention online, what's he going to do in real life? Am I going to be treated the same way again if I visit and he's there?"

So why, if it was so awkward, would I want to visit again? Well, I have dvd's for her and she has some of mine, so there's going to be at least one more visit. Besides, I don't want to lose a friend, even if it is someone I tried to have a relationship with and it failed. We still have other ties, to do with the website I helped her set up while we were together.

Anyway, that throwaway statement she made ate away at me, and last night I pulled her up on it. But, being the master tactician than I am, I was aggressive and showed jealousy. Needless to say the conversation went right downhill, and it was all my fault. I'm still pissed off at how I was treated when I last visited, but I can understand she was uncomfortable talking to her new bloke while her ex was sitting on her bed. She could have told me the situation though, I'd have understood. Also, she could have told him she had a guest in the house. We argued, we shouted, we stormed off, we came back... but I think I managed some sort of truce by the end of the evening though.

I still don't feel any better about the way I was treated when I last went to see her, and I feel fucking awful now about the way I treated her last night. Her behaviour towards me went a long way towards forming the attitude I used in my reply to her throwaway comment, and now I've got no idea if we're on speaking terms or not.

So.... in a nutshell.....
We start a relationship
It doesn't work, she dumps me
She finds new bloke almost immediately
I take her stuff back to her house
She's devoting all her time to online chat with new bloke
I get pissed off at being ignored, but say nothing at the time
She makes a comment a couple of weeks later about how he gets her attention when he wants it
I make a comment about how I'd consider that to be very rude if he did that while she had guests
We argue
I don't apologise for making the comment, but I do apologise for the way I said it
However, I'm still waiting for an apology from her about ignoring me.

I'm not being egotistical about this, at least I don't think I am... I just think that when you have guests in your house you treat them with respect. Is that so wrong?