family: May 2004 Archives

Here's an exchange between my son and I in the car on the way to the airport last weekend. He's sitting in the back of the car, quietly looking out of the window and watching the world go by, when he opens his mouth and these words ensue:
"The King and Queen are at home"
"Er..... ok. How do you know that"
"Because I've just seen a flag. And when a flag is up, the King and Queen are at home, when it's halfway up it means something's happened, and when it's down it means they are out."

I didn't have the heart to tell him that only applied to the flag on Buckingham Palace, and not to a flag flying on an industrial estate 10 miles away from Manchester Airport.

Oh, and he's also learned that the standard answer to the question "what are your table manners like?" is "Atrocious". That's his maternal grandmother for you!

When he's in the back of the car, he likes to lower the centre armrest and use that as a chair. Fair enough, he's high enough to see out of the windows, and the seat belt fits him properly. He's since discovered that he can squeeze through the hole at the back of the armrest and get into the boot of the car. I found this out when I parked the car one time, opened the back door to let him out and saw his feet disappear into the boot! He doesn't want to use the doors any more, he wants to get in and out through the boot all the time. So when we went to the airport last weekend to pick up my parents I opened the boot, and instead of picking up a suitcase I picked my son up and put him in it instead - you should have seen the look on my parents' faces!

I've just put an item up for sale on eBay. This is the first time I've ever tried to sell anything on eBay, and I'm doing it on behalf of my grandmother. She'll be 85 in a few months time, and is selling the house that's been her home for the last fifty years (and where she raised four children) and buying a flat. So she wants to sell some stuff - hi-fi, tv, video, maybe some china. I'll see how the auction goes on the first item (which is a Pro-Logic amplifier and a pair of speakers) before deciding whether or not to sell the rest of the stuff on eBay. The auction ends on Saturday night, and can be found here. Please bid, it'll make my grandmother very happy indeed.

"Can I play with this toy car?"
"Yes you can, but the batteries are flat. You'll still be able to roll it up and down the floor though"
"Does the remote control work?"
"No, I just told you. The batteries are flat"
"But I thought batteries were round...."

My son's capacity for imagination never ceases to amaze me. While playing around one day he put his finger in my mouth and said "blow me up, Daddy". Not quite knowing what he meant by this, I started to huff and puff as though I was blowing up a balloon. He then quickly pulled his finger away and ran round and round the room blowing a raspberry, until he ran out of breath and collapsed on the floor.

At the weekend he was sitting in the back of the car, playing with a slinky. Of course you know what a slinky is, and if you don't, then google for it. I'm not going to do all your work for you. Anyway, he'd got one with him in the car and all I could hear was him saying "squirt squirt squirt". A few seconds of silence, then "squirt squirt squirt". A few more seconds of silence then "squirt squirt squirt" once again. Curious, I dipped the rear view mirror so I could see what he was doing. He had the slinky held to his face at one end, and he was moving the other end from between his feet to over his head, saying "squirt squirt squirt" when it was over his head. "What are you doing?" I asked him. "I'm an elephant", he replied. Squirt, squirt, squirt.

My niece then got the slinky and said "I know what we can do with this. We can fix one end to here and fix the other end to there and put something in the middle so it's a proper tube, and then a hamster can run up and down it!" (she's a strange girl, sometimes...) "Yes", replied my son, "but first we'll need to get a hamster!" Nothing gets past him, nothing at all.

Sorry for not posting anything in the last few days - been busy busy busy! I'm looking for a new bicycle online, after giving my old one to my nephew. I've been bidding for a few bikes online via ebay, however I've lost out on the first nine or ten I've bid on. I'm determined to get the bike I want at the price I want to pay, however. Every time I look at these ebay shops I think I'd like to have a piece of the action. I'm thinking about selling small good quality items that are always in demand, easy to stock and post, and preferably with a good profit margin! I'd tell you what my current line of thought is, but then I'd have to kill you afterwards. So you'll just have to wait and see.

My mum and I took the kids (son, niece, nephew) to Southport on Sunday. It was an expensive day out, but the kids enjoyed themselves, which is the main thing. The pleasure beach is way too expensive and half the things we tried didn't work properly, so we got the kids out of there as soon as possible! Everyone enjoyed the boat we hired, especially my son, who was in charge of all the controls for a few minutes. And if you're going to let a four year old take full control of a motorised vehicle, a slow boat in the middle of a large lake is a good place to start!

After lunch I took a breather while my mum took all the kids round the 18-hole miniature golf putting course. All seemed to be going well, until my son came running towards me from the far end of the course crying his eyes out. "What's the matter?" I (rather obviously) enquired. "Grandma took my ball away from me!" he said, in between wails and snivels. Now, here I was, in charge of five coats, a handbag (not mine!) and a carrier bag full of juice, so I couldn't immediately find out what was going on. I decided the only course of action was to investigate, so I picked up all the stuff and started to head out to the back of the course. I'd only taken two of three steps with everything when my niece came running up and asked my son if he wanted to play again. Of course he did, so off he went. I had to wait until they had all finished the course to find out what was going on. And the cause of the problem? My son was getting impatient and wouldn't wait his turn. Still, I suppose he learned his lesson, because everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves a lot more on the second half of the course :-)

All in all, quite a good day out. Even though it didn't quite tire my son out enough for him to go to bed at a reasonable time....

Ever since he learned to talk, we've not been able to get my son to be quiet. From deciding that fireworks make a loud noise and explode because they are crashing into the clouds, and being able to tell us so, all at the grand old age of 25 months, to refusing to count backwards from 10 down to 1 because "other people won't like it", he always manages to come up with a little gem. Here are some of the most recent ones.

Snooker final. World championship. First frame of afternoon session on the second day. Very tense. The players haven't settled in yet. One of them goes for a pot. Misses. My son comments: "that was rubbish!"

Playing with Lego. He has the Motor Movers set and the Motion Madness set. Expensive, but worth it. He says "let's make something we've not made before". I say "ok." Then he says "let's not make something that goes down the piece of string, because I'm fed up with those." He's only had the Motor Movers set a week. Ho hum.

His phrase of the moment is "do you know what?" He seems to start every other sentence with it.

"Daddy?"
"Yes?"
"What are you thinking about?"
"I'm thinking about what we're going to give you for your dinner. What are you thinking about?"
"I'm thinking about you."
Sweet :-)

"Daddy?"
"Yes?"
"Can you buy me an expensive toy?"
"Not this week, son, sorry."
"Why not?"
"Because I haven't got any money."
"You could always go to the machine and get some."

There's just no answer to that, really.