family: November 2004 Archives

Wow...... a week with no updates. How very remiss of me. Now, what can I write about today? Let's see.... my boss has been signed off work for the last four weeks with high blood pressure so I've been running the IT depatment of a multi-national company single-handed. I've run the department single-handedly before, which partly explains why I have to include the top of my head whenever I put sun tan lotion on. The other reason my head looks like it could be used as a beacon for low-flying aircraft is my ex-wife, but let's not go there. Of course, it could be genetic - my grandfather lost a lot of his hair by the time he was 40 as well. Always reminded me of Eric Morecambe, he did. The face is a bit rounder, but I think you can see what I mean.

I'll tell you a story about him, because I'm in the mood to ramble. I'd like you to picture, if you will, a wedding. A rather big wedding, where the bride's parents invite everyone they've ever heard of and the bride and groom have to fight to get their handful of friends an invite to the bash. There weren't any ice sculptures, but there was everything else. Big dress, big ceremony, big dinner, big wedding car. Photographer, videographer, choir, band, free bar. Everyone is enjoying themselves tremendously. It gets to speech time. The MC introduces my brother, the best man. Everyone looks at the top table, but no-one gets up. Where could he be? Is he at the bar getting sloshed? Is he outside having a smoke? Just as we're all about to feel awkward, wondering where he was, the doors at the other end of the room open and my brother walks in, surrounded by an entourage of ushers, all in dark glasses. He's handcuffed to a briefcase. I can't remember now if the Blues Brothers music played him in, I'd have to look at the video for that and quite frankly I don't really want to look at the wedding video too much these days. He approaches the top table and gets a speech out of his jacket pocket. He motions the crowd for silence. "Ladies and gentlemen, this is the speech my mother has read." He lifts it in the air so that everyone can get a good look at it. Then he rips it into four and throws it to the floor. Unlocking the briefcase he produces another speech. "But THIS is the one I'm going to read!" Cue laughter and applause, which continues throughout his wonderful speech.

After whipping the crowd into a frenzy and embarrassing the hell out of me (although not as much as when my wife of just a few hours stands up in front of everyone and states "It's been a wonderful day and it's going to be an even better night") it's time for my speech. I've never spoken in public before and I'm sh*tting bricks. I take my speech out of my jacket pocket. I have pages 2, 3 and 4. Page 1 is nowhere to be seen. Ooooops.

So I put the speech down and state that I'm just going to say a few words off the top of my head. I thank everyone for coming, and declare undying love for my wife. Everyone goes "aah". Then I start to run out of things to say. I spot my grandfather in the crowd (quite why he wasn't on the top table with everyone else escapes me for the moment). I invite him up to join me and introduce him to the more than 200 wedding guests. I tell the crowd that every time there is a family gathering, before we sat down to dinner my grandfather would always raise a glass and make a statement. And I thought it would be rather nice for him to make that statement now. So I shoved the microphone under his nose and right on cue he says, very slowly and deliberately, "Isn't this nice?", thus preserving the family tradition on video for ever more. I think everyone in my faimily mouthed the words along with him. I kissed him on the top of his head, little knowing how much the top of my head would resemble his before another decade had passed.

Sadly, four months later cancer took him from us, but to this day, whenever there is a family dinner, someone will raise a glass, look at the assembled throng, and declare "Isn't this nice?" My cousin came up to me at the funeral and thanked me for getting him to say it at the wedding, as it provided a great memory.

So maybe there are some things worth watching on my wedding video after all.

Took Son Number One into Manchester today. Bought him a Mr Potato Head (which, when he opened it in the cafe, caused the people on the table next to us to ooh and ahh as they hadn't seen one for about 15 years) and also took him up on the big ferris wheel they've put up in Exchange Square, which caused Son Number One to ooh and ahh as he hadn't been that high up ever before and all the people looked like little ants. Bless. He must have forgotten about all those times he's been on a plane.

While we were in town, we saw these. Forget the photo frame, I'll have one of these instead. The six-foot one please.